


promise me (you'll leave the light on)

by angelranger



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, diner au, mentions of death of a relative, softness overload in some places
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:28:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23443210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelranger/pseuds/angelranger
Summary: It’s all too reminiscent of that first moment Stacie felt it, but this time it doesn't overwhelm her. Stacie takes a breath, and in that moment she knows she’s finally brave enough to say it; knows that while they may have all the time in the world for Stacie to finally say those three all important words, she’d rather just spend that time telling Aubrey she loves her.
Relationships: Stacie Conrad/Aubrey Posen
Comments: 7
Kudos: 78





	promise me (you'll leave the light on)

**Author's Note:**

> Loosely based on the song 'Strangers' by Fletcher (except this one has a happy ending, I promise). Title from 'Love Song' by Sara Bareilles

They’re sat in the corner booth of the finest diner Barden has to offer, one they’d found a month into their relationship and had decided to frequent ever since. The floor tiles were checkered and garish, and the seats were worn and not as vibrant a red as they once were, but it was cosy, in an odd sense of the word. 

Familiar. 

Stacie loved it because it reminded her of a diner she’d been going to since she was a kid, the nostalgia warming her every time she heard the bell ding as she walked in; Aubrey loved it because it was quiet, even on a Friday night, and they could just be themselves for a little while. Separate from the business of the outside world.

It had become a tradition for them, every Friday night after one of many Acapella social events, to leave early and waste the early morning away, sitting in the corner of this old diner, sharing a huge plate of fries, to which Aubrey would deny eating if questioned. Stacie always opted for a milkshake, the flavour varying each week depending on what concoction the waiter could come up with for her, and Aubrey always got a coffee, black, so she could add as much creamer as her heart desired.

Tonight, Stacie’s milkshake is Caramel Popcorn, something Aubrey had immediately turned her nose up at, even though Stacie knows Aubrey will end up drinking about a third of it; another thing the blonde will readily deny ever doing. She’d already unconsciously taken three whipped cream covered popcorn pieces from the top of the beverage, and Stacie wouldn’t have it any other way, subtly pushing the milkshake further towards the center of the table.

Stacie secretly loves that they’ve already reached this level of comfort with each other, loves that Aubrey will let her guard down around her and will goof off with her. It’s rare moments like these where Stacie gets a glimpse into who Aubrey Posen really is outside of being captain of the Bellas; outside of being someone who needs to be in control at all times; outside of being her father’s daughter.

It’s something she cherishes, wholeheartedly, and wouldn’t change for the world. Just sitting across from Aubrey, watching as a few strands of hair escape the intricate hairstyle the blonde had put her hair in for the evening; watching as a pale hand reaches across and steals another piece of popcorn; watching as green eyes guiltily meet her own, but there’s an unmistakable spark in them that warms Stacie’s heart each time.

She watches as Aubrey’s head shoots up, turning to thank their waiter who had come to refill her cup of coffee without needing to ask; they’d visited here enough times for all the staff to know their habits, and holding him in a short conversation like they were old friends. Stacie didn’t understand why Aubrey had to make conversation every time, when nothing new would ever happen in the short time between refills, but Aubrey just shook the question off with a small shrug and a “that’s just how I was raised.”

Stacie watches as Aubrey begins to prepare to butcher her coffee and decides to have a little fun, brushing her foot against Aubrey’s ankle, causing the blonde to jump and pour too much creamer, spilling some onto the table. Stacie can’t help but watch adoringly as Aubrey curses over the fact that there’s too much creamer in her coffee, rather than the spillage on the table, fretting over it as if it’s the end of the world. 

It’s in that moment Stacie thinks, for the first time, that she’s in love with Aubrey Posen. It doesn’t come as a shock, nor does it scare her; she’d always been a bit of a romantic at heart, under the whole facade she presents to the rest of the world.

She pauses in her musings, her mouth opening as if she’s actually ready to say those words, and she pauses as Aubrey looks up and catches her gaze, her head tilting in slight curiosity, green eyes twinkling. Stacie takes a breath, and in that moment she thinks she’s brave enough to say it, but Aubrey breaks the contact, reaching over for some napkins, and Stacie is brought tumbling back into reality.

When Aubrey is done clearing the mess, Stacie just silently watches her the whole time. She looks at Stacie again in curiosity, but she just takes the wrapper from the straw that came with her milkshake, balls it up, and throws it at her. It hits her square in the nose and she lets out the most scandalised gasp that Stacie has ever heard, before devolving into a fit of giggles.

Stacie doesn’t think she wants to go another day without hearing Aubrey’s laugh, and she doesn’t worry about not saying those three words just yet, thinking she has all the time in the world to get them out.

*

Stacie felt like she was watching a tennis match; if one side of the court were the open plan kitchen, the other the living room, and Aubrey the ball. Aubrey had called her to come over nearly an hour ago for an unknown reason and Stacie had rushed over when she’d heard the anxiety in the blonde’s voice. It took one look at Aubrey’s tight expression and a quick glance at the envelope on the coffee table for Stacie to put the pieces together.

Stacie had already had her results back from her finals and would be moving comfortably into her Sophomore year. Aubrey, however, hadn’t yet heard anything from the Master’s Degree in Business she had applied for at Barden, until now. 

And now she was wearing a hefty hole into her carpet. Stacie has no idea when the pacing started, no doubt quite a while before Aubrey had made the effort to call her, but she couldn't take it anymore.

“Did you know that dolphins are just gay sharks?” Aubrey stops dead and shoots Stacie an incredulous look. She can see the cogs turning in the blonde’s head, working a mile a minute to process anything other than the anxiety train that was probably running through her mind. Her eyes narrow slightly, the recognition clear and her mouth opens and closes a few times before she finds the words to say.

“Did you… did you just quote  _ Glee _ ?” Stacie offers a non committal shrug, her smile wholly unapologetic.

“And what about it?” Aubrey purses her lips, and crosses her arms over her chest.

“I just thought you had better taste in the media you consumed, is all.” She shrugs, trying her best to ignore the smug smile that has fixed itself onto Stacie’s face as the brunette slowly stalks towards her.

“Riddle me this, Bree...” She trails off, invading the blonde’s space but making no move to touch her, instead she leans forwards, the air from her breath ticking Aubrey’s cheek and ear, causing a jolt to work its way down her spine. Aubrey’s eyes close of their own accord at the close proximity and she tries to suppress the hitch in her breathing as Stacie whispers.

“How did you even know it was from Glee?” She teases, laughing loudly as Aubrey pushes her and pulls away with a scowl. Aubrey scrutinises Statie for a full thirty seconds before she finally lets the smile she had been suppressing free.

“Touche.” She smirks, intertwining their fingers and pulling Stacie closer until their hips come together. She bumps her nose against the brunette’s and places a chaste kiss on full lips, moving to deepen it before Stacie denies her with a smirk. Aubrey pouts and Stacie’s smirk softens, she reaches up and pushes a small strand of blonde hair behind Aubrey’s ear. She allows herself to bask in the look her girlfriend is giving her right now, so full of love and adoration and Stacie’s heart thumps in her chest. She feels like now could be  _ the  _ moment, but instead of those three words, she says.

“Stop delaying the inevitable.” And pokes Aubrey on the nose, to which the blonde’s face scrunches up and she sighs, pulling away from the brunette’s embrace. 

“I know.” Aubrey acquiesces, her gaze has shifted to the floor as one hand has tentatively gone to clutch at the fabric covering her stomach, the other tightly grasping the necklace around her neck. Stacie smiles in sympathy and reaches for the dreaded envelope, handing it over to Aubrey, who just stares at it blankly.

“C’mon, it’ll be okay, whatever the outcome.” Stacie tries to comfort, notices Aubrey’s subtle nod of the head.

With a sigh, the blonde takes the envelope and takes a few steps away, needing the distance for her head to be able to grasp whatever the situation is going to be. It takes another minute of Aubrey just clutching the envelope in a deathly grip and it takes most of Stacie’s restraint to not reach over and at least open the damn thing, because Stacie knows what it’s going to say and knows Aubrey is just delaying the inevitable. Stacie also knows that Aubrey’s anxiety is a bitch and forcing her to do anything before she was ready was a car crash waiting to happen.

“Okay.” Aubrey nods to herself and carefully opens the envelope, taking out the letter and reads its contents. Stacie waits with bated breath as she watches green eyes trail down the letter, until they stop and go back to the top. 

Aubrey must have read it a dozen times with a completely emotionless expression before she shifts her gaze to meet Stacie’s. The latter’s stomach drops when she notices the tears in her girlfriend’s eyes, thinks the letter is a rejection based on the trembling of the blonde’s bottom lip, and is ready to pull her into the tightest, most comforting hug when Aubrey lets out a laugh, her mouth pulling into the widest smile. 

Stacie’s eyes widen in delight and this time she doesn’t restrain herself, launching herself at Aubrey and tackling her onto the couch, both of them dissolving into laughter.

“I can’t believe it.” Aubrey says breathlessly, the disbelief clear, and Stacie would smack her for not having faith in herself if she wasn’t so damn happy for her.

“I can.” Stacie whispers, looking directly into Aubrey’s eyes. Aubrey smiles so softly at her, as if the notion of having someone believe in her is so farfetched, and Stacie’s heart breaks for her, just a little. 

“I love you.” Aubrey whispers so quietly that Stacie nearly misses it. Except she doesn’t and her heart stops dead in her tracks. Her tongue gets stuck in her throat and as much as she wants to return those words, she can’t. But Aubrey doesn’t look at her with an expectant expression, her eyes are filled with warmth and contentment and Stacie feels her anxiety lessen.

Letting her actions speak louder than the words she so desperately wants to say, she leans in and soundly presses her lips to Aubrey’s, hoping to convey what she feels in the way she kisses Aubrey all over, the way she touches her, caresses her, holds her.

To say that night was memorable was an understatement. 

*

Aubrey was moving into a new apartment off campus instead of the Bella house for the new semester. The apartment was in Aubrey’s name, her father having basically forced it upon her, and Stacie decided upon herself that she would live there on the weekends; spending the rest of her time with the Bellas. Stacie wouldn’t have minded living with Aubrey full time, but Aubrey argued that she needed to use the time her Sophomore year would grant her to bond with the rest of the Bellas because “a connected Bellas are a harmonious Bellas.” 

Stacie could understand that they were still technically in the early stages of their “official” relationship; Aubrey refused to count the months they spent fooling around beforehand. She also understood that Aubrey was trying to not push her, even though she had her own dresser in the apartment, at least two mugs that belong to her sitting in one of Aubrey’s cupboards, and a selection of snacks that Stacie knows Aubrey hates.

She was in the middle of unpacking some clothes into her designated dresser, the sound of one of Aubrey’s many vinyls filling the apartment, when she heard a scratching at the window. Curious, she walked over and her heart melted at the sight of two tabby cats; one was clawing at the window, asking to be let in, and the other seemed nonplussed, too busy cleaning its paws.

“Do you guys come with the apartment?” She asked the cats, knowing the answer already and letting them in. The previous tenant had left a note with a picture next to a litter box and some cat food saying that the cats had been there when they’d moved in. They weren’t chipped and didn’t have any names they responded to, responding to noises and clicks more than anything. Stacie was excited at the idea of getting to name the cats with Aubrey. Not that she’d broadcast it to the world, at least not yet, but Stacie looked forward to all the little domestic things she and Aubrey would get to do as a couple.

Though Stacie wasn’t sure if they’d be able to keep the cats around. Walking into the living room to see how Aubrey was getting along, she heard quiet whispering and cooing. She noticed an old tapestry resting against the side of the couch that Aubrey was occupying, obviously having been forgotten about in her excitement.

“I think I’ll name you Kiwi, huh?” Aubrey said in a baby voice that Stacie found adorable. She stood in the doorway for a moment, just watching Aubrey interact with  _ Kiwi _ , apparently. Stacie took Aubrey whispering about the cat being the ‘most adorable thing’ as her cue to make an entrance. 

Her slight offence at being demoted not influencing her decision at all.

“Aren’t you allergic to cats?” She asks as she walks toward where her girlfriend is sitting. Aubrey’s petting of the cat slows, her eyes narrowing slightly as they follow Stacie’s movements.

“Maybe.” She relents as Stacie sits down with a huff, causing Kiwi to scatter somewhere into the apartment.

“I take it we’re keeping them?” Stacie asks with a knowing smile and Aubrey nods in response. “I think I’ll name the other one Alfie, like that Lily Allen song.”

“Alfie and Kiwi.” Aubrey sounds the names out, nodding to herself in satisfaction. “I like the sound of that.”

“What are you going to do about your allergies?” Stacie asks as she pulls the blonde into a hug, already noticing that her girlfriend sounds a bit congested. Aubrey just rolls her eyes.

“Antihistamines exist for a reason, and lint rollers. We’ll need so many lint rollers” The blonde says with a groan, her entire weight sagging into her girlfriend’s arms. Stacie can only laugh and attempt to pull Aubrey in for a kiss, only their lips don’t touch before they're being attacked by a fur ball. Their shocked screams quickly turn into laughter and Stacie definitely feels like she can get used to this.

Watching Aubrey interact with the small ball of fur, taking note at the amount of care and joy in her movements.

Yes, Stacie’s certain she can get used to this.

*

Stacie had been locked in her room in the Bella house for a week studying for her final midterm that was in two days. She’d barely interacted with any of the other Bellas, even though they were sharing a house. She only had one midterm left and it was the one that Stacie struggled the most with, but also the one she was the most invested in and was considering majoring in next year.

She’d barely had time to even call Aubrey at all this week, the both of them having a lot or coursework and studying to do. They had been texting on and off, Aubrey promising a surprise for her when their semester finally came to an end. She’d given no hints as to what it could be, but that didn’t fail to excite her.

She just had to make it two more days.

*

Their final midterms came and went, and Stacie isn’t too modest to say she’s certain she aced it. She also has no doubt Aubrey did well in hers; the blonde was methodical and a perfectionist to a fault. But when it came to assignments and final exams, it worked. It was lucky Aubrey had handed over the reigns of the Bellas to Beca, deciding to take a more managerial role instead of participating, giving her time to put her full attention into her studies. It also made Bellas rehearsal less like basic training and more like, well, normal rehearsals. 

Stacie had told Aubrey as much and it has resulted in the most cliche of pillow fights.

Stacie doesn’t doubt she could have done both and that things would have been less intense this year, but Stacie knows that performing makes Aubrey feel sick to her stomach, no matter how much she pushes the feeling down and fakes her poise and happiness.

On a happier note, tonight is the night of Stacie’s surprise. The only hint she has been given is to dress nice, but warm, and to meet Aubrey at the diner for seven o’clock. Getting ready doesn’t take too long and before she knows it she’s on her way. 

As she makes her way towards the diner she notices Aubrey already stood outside, the streetlight making her hair glow softly. 

She looks as beautiful as ever.

“Hey.” Stacie says as she approaches the blonde, who turns to her with a gentle smile, though her eyes are alight with excitement.

“Hey.” Aubrey greets her, pulling her into a kiss and Stacie wastes no time in deepening it, pulling Aubrey in by the waist and wrapping her up completely in her arms.

They head into the diner and Stacie’s heart swells as the usual harsh light of the diner has been dimmed, fairy lights cover all of the booths and there’s a soft pink glow from the neon lights. Overall the diner looks warmer than usual, more homey, and Stacie can’t put into words how it feels to have someone make the effort. Aubrey makes a comment about pulling a few strings with Angela, the owner who has practically adopted them, and leads Stacie to the only booth, their booth, with Stacie’s favourite scented candle.

They share a plate of fries and a Caramel Popcorn milkshake, Stacie’s favourite of the flavours she’s had so far. Not because she loves the taste above all the others, but because that was the milkshake she was drinking the moment she realised she was in love with Aubrey and so she’d have it every now and then on their diner dates, hoping it would give her the courage to say those three words; it never does. 

She’s brought out of her reverie by Aubrey reaching over and placing her hand on top of hers.

“So, I was thinking, once we’re done we could pack up some food that Angela so graciously prepared for us and take it to that spot by the lake? It’s a clear night so maybe you could teach me some more about the constellations. I even have some wine.” Aubrey tacks on with a sly wink. Stacie can’t help the grin at Aubrey’s suggestion, though her confusion over why Aubrey is going all out tonight wins out, because this seems like more than a celebration over finishing their finals.

“Not that I don’t love the idea, because I do, but what exactly is the occasion?”

Aubrey’s eyes dim ever so slightly and she clears her throat, her hand retreating to fiddle with the napkin by her coffee. She tries to smile but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes and Stacie realised in that moment that she has fucked up, somehow.

“It’s not that important, I’m probably making a bigger deal out of it than it actually is.” Aubrey says, the insecurity in her voice clear and all Stacie wants to do is make it disappear. She reaches over and takes Aubrey’s hand into her own and squeezes, her eyes imploring for Aubrey to tell her more.

“It’s just… the anniversary of our first date.” Aubrey says and Stacie’s eyes widen, because  _ fuck.  _ “I know it’s not the anniversary of when we became official, but I thought it was something worth celebrating because it was something important to me and I thought…”

_ I thought it was important to you, too. Stacie _ finishes for her in her head and she swears her heart turns into lead in her chest, dropping straight through the floor. It all makes sense to her now, Aubrey has basically recreated their first date, just with a few added romantic flairs.

“I know I’m making a bigger dea-”

“No, baby, you’re not. I should have remembered. I should have known this was something important. I’m so sorry, Aubrey.” The blonde’s eyes soften at the apology and she squeezes Stacie’s hand that is holding her own.

“It’s okay, okay? Why don’t we just finish the night and you can play some catch up to make it up to me.” She finishes with a flirty wink and a smile, though it still doesn’t reach her eyes.

Stacie makes a mental promise to not forget an important date again.

She doesn’t keep it.

*

The apartment was quiet, the only sound that could be heard was the sound of water hitting the window and the faint honking of cars in the distance; the record she had put on going unturned. Aubrey sat on the cushioned bench of her windowsill, a steaming mug of tea clutched tightly between her cold hands. She gently blew some of the steam away, taking a tentative sip and sighing when she found it had cooled down enough to drink. Aubrey favoured the warmth the tea brought as she watched dark clouds begin to loom, the rain having started an hour ago.

"It's going to storm." Aubrey noted, sparing a glance towards her girlfriend who had not acknowledged her words. Stacie was too engrossed in whatever she was working on with her laptop; had been for the past few weeks, and Aubrey was, admittedly, becoming tired of being ignored day in and day out.

Stacie had started to spend even more time at her apartment recently, they’d been dating for just over a year so it was a natural progression, but it also meant that the periods Stacie became too focused on her work and ignored everything around her, Aubrey included, became more apparent. Even though Stacie more than made up for the mishap surrounding the failed anniversary dinner Aubrey had planned by going all out on their  _ official  _ anniversary; being forgotten had begun to sting a little more each time it happened. Aubrey didn’t know how to approach the subject, she knew it would hurt Stacie and that was the last thing she ever wanted to do, but the longer Aubrey went without saying anything the deeper the sting became.

Sighing again, Aubrey turned back towards the window, allowing the sky to cry the tears she would not let fall. She was a Posen, after all, and Posens did not cry. Though Aubrey couldn't stop the cold feeling spreading through her, and no amount of tea would be able to warm her up from the realisation that she has, once again, let herself become second priority to someone she loves' work.

Aubrey understands, she does; wouldn't have the work ethic she does if she couldn't comprehend the importance of being dedicated to your career. But, after growing up in a household where she came second to her father's job, time and time again, knowing the heartbreak of another recital missed, another debate competition ignored, countless nights spent by herself in an empty house, an invite to her High School Graduation and Valedictorian Speech being responded with "congratulations, but I can't, I'll catch the next one." 

He didn't.

He never did.

And Aubrey isn't sure she has the ability to put herself through this again. But Stacie's different, Aubrey knows this. Stacie loves her, she knows this for certain even if the brunette hasn’t been able to voice it yet. 

Her actions speak magnitudes of how much she loves Aubrey. But they also speak volumes of how much she doesn’t, sometimes. Aubrey can understand that the thought may be irrational, but that doesn’t stop it from hurting, regardless of how much Stacie shows she cares.

But, the one thing Aubrey isn't certain of, has never been certain of in any of her relationships, is if she'll ever be good enough to be someone's number one. If she even deserves to be.

"A storm indeed." Aubrey mutters as the wind whips harshly against the window, taking a sip of her tea that has since gone cold. She gets up from her perch and heads toward the kitchen, pouring her cold tea down the drain and placing the mug in the sink. She hadn’t tried to be silent in her actions and yet it seemed nothing could draw her girlfriend’s attention.

The blonde stood in the kitchen for a short while, debating whether going out into the storm would help clear the storm raging in her mind. The thought was illogical, she knew this as fact, but she couldn’t think in this apartment; she felt claustrophobic. 

She startles slightly as something brushes against her leg, a soft meow following. She looks down and spots Kiwi nuzzling against her ankles as if sensing her distress and wanting to provide comfort. Kneeling to the ground she lightly pats the cats head, the corner of her lips tugging up ever so slightly at the soft purring she could hear.

“Where’s your brother, hm?” She asks, knowing that Alfie was probably curled up asleep on Stacie’s pillow. She receives no response as Kiwi stalks over to the windowsill she had just vacated and settles, the sound of the rain against the window lulling her to sleep as it usually does. 

Pursing her lips, Aubrey made her decision. Against her better judgement, she grabbed her keys, found her warmest coat, and left without so much as a goodbye, doubting that Stacie would notice her absence given the current work trance she was in right now.

She didn’t.

Stacie didn’t notice the blonde’s absence until an hour and a half later when she decided to take a break from the research paper she had been working through. She looked around the apartment and noticed Kiwi asleep by the window, a spot she knew Aubrey would usually be perched at. The blonde loved to storm watch, Stacie even going as far as to joke that Aubrey was a storm chaser in a past life. So it was strange to not see the blonde sitting in her perch with Kiwi nestled on her lap.

Stacie stood from her spot, wincing as she stretched out her stiff joints. She really needed to take more frequent breaks; which is what she said every time she got carried away in her research and never followed through on.

“Babe?” She called out through the apartment, frowning slightly when she received no response. Assuming the blonde was just asleep she goes to their bedroom, her frown deepening when the only occupant in their bed was Alfie.

“Bree?” She called out again, checking the bathroom and the spare bedroom, but there was still no sign of the blonde. Stacie began to worry as she glanced out the window, knowing that her girlfriend’s absence meant that she was out in the storm. She grabbed her phone, dialling Aubrey’s number, and a jolt of fear went through her when she heard a vibration coming from the kitchen. 

Aubrey never left without her phone.

Stacie didn’t think twice before grabbing her coat and leaving the apartment, nearly forgetting to lock the door in her haste. There’s only one place Stacie can think Aubrey would disappear to, but the blonde usually only went there when she was upset and needed time to think. It was especially worrisome that Aubrey felt the need to go there during a storm.

Stacie practically ran across campus down towards the lake, taking a detour through some brush to get to her destination. She got turned around a couple times, having only been there a couple times before and her memory was as foggy as the air around her.

It took a few minutes but she finally found the correct path, and soon she was stumbling across a small patch of grass that was heavily covered by trees that offered some respite from the downpour. As expected, Aubrey was perched on the old bench that overlooked the lake.

Aubrey told Stacie she loved this spot because it was secluded and offered her peace of mind during times of trouble. In Aubrey’s near five years at Barden she had never seen a single soul here besides herself. Stacie knew these were important factors to Aubrey’s affinity for this spot, but Stacie knew that the blonde loved it especially because Peonies bloomed in this spot, and only this spot, every May. The flower was Aubrey’s mother’s favourite and it made her girlfriend feel like her mother was there with her. And even though the flowers were yet to bloom it still brought Aubrey peace of mind.

Stacie took tentative steps toward her girlfriend, not wanting to scare her as she looked deep in thought. Aubrey’s head perked a bit and Stacie knew that the blonde knew she was present.

“Hey.” Stacie says gently, taking a seat on the bench and wincing as it creaks beneath her weight. She notices Aubrey shoot her a look out of the corner of her eye before going back to staring at the lake.

“Want to talk about it?” Stacie asks as she scoots closer to Aubrey, noticing how much the blonde is shivering and wrapping an arm around her to help warm her up. Though Stacie is cold herself and her coat is soaked through so she can’t offer much heat, but the offer of comfort is for the both of them. Aubrey doesn’t automatically lean into her like she usually does and it worries Stacie ever so slightly.

Aubrey contemplates what she wants to say and how she wants to say it. The last thing she wants is to start an argument, but she also doesn’ think she can put up with feeling like she’s second best for much longer; no matter how unintentional it may be. She can’t handle the doubt constantly occupying a small corner of her mind. 

Taking a deep breath, she finally leans into Stacie’s embrace, deciding against starting whatever discussion they need to have for the time being.

“I was just thinking about my dad and let my thoughts get the best of me.” She says, voice muffled slightly by Stacie's shoulder. She feels the brunette nod against her head and tighten her embrace. Aubrey relishes in the comfort, wishing to just stay in this moment for a while longer, but their reverie is broken by a sneeze that takes Aubrey by surprise.

“Let’s get you home, yeah?” Stacie says, already standing and extending a hand to her girlfriend. Aubrey hesitates before taking it, not wanting to leave her spot. Noticing the hesitation, Stacie says.

“We need to get you home and into a nice warm bath before you get any sicker, okay?”

“I don’t get sick.” Aubrey scoffs and Stacie merely raises an eyebrow.

When Aubrey wakes in the middle of the night from a coughing fit Stacie doesn’t have the heart to tell her ‘I told you so’.

*

It was April tenth and Aubrey was sitting alone in her apartment. Her only companion being the half empty bottle of wine she’d been nursing for over an hour after she’d nearly downed the first one. She’d poured Stacie a glass of wine earlier in the evening but she’d ended up drinking it herself when it was clear her girlfriend was not going to turn up anytime soon and she’d given up hope on her walking through the door.

In fact, she hadn’t heard from her girlfriend all day.

It was April tenth and it was Aubrey’s birthday and she hadn’t heard from her girlfriend. 

At first, Aubrey had thought Stacie was faking her out. The brunette had left in a rush earlier that morning to go to one of her classes and she’d told Aubrey she’d be heading to work in the labs on campus for some time to work on a project. Aubrey had accepted this because she doesn’t expect anyone’s world to stop just because it’s her birthday. People have responsibilities and she respects that.

She’d slowly lost faith as the day wore on and she’d heard from every other Bella except for her girlfriend; even the new girl, Flo, had sent her a message, though it was more a peculiar story about one of her cousin's birthdays. The sentiment was there, at least, and Aubrey appreciated the acknowledgement.

Aubrey lost all faith when, at precisely 9:17pm, she got a call from her father who was currently deployed somewhere overseas. She hadn’t expected him to call, much less on her actual birthday. He struggled to get time away for personal calls when he was deployed and Aubrey understood; she’d always understood.

But this year he had managed to make the time and called her, albeit very briefly, to wish her a ‘Happy Birthday’.

Aubrey had wasted no time in downing the rest of the first bottle of wine and opening the second and now here she was.

It was April tenth and Aubrey was sat alone in her kitchen, all dressed up for an evening that was never going to happen, and hopefully on her way to being drunk enough for the pain in her chest to just  _ stop. _

At nearly ten o’clock on the dot, Aubrey poured her last glass of wine, coincidentally just as Stacie walked through the front door.

Aubrey took a long sip of her wine, watching as Stacie took her shoes off and hung up her coat, putting her keys in the dish by the door and walking further into the apartment. It took a few seconds for the blonde’s presence to be noticed and Stacie jumped when she spotted Aubrey sitting in the dimly lit kitchen.

Stacie rushes over once she notices the empty wine bottles on the kitchen counter and the tears running down Aubrey’s cheeks. She knelt in front of the immobile blonde, her hands immediately going to wipe away the tears that were still falling.

“Baby, what happened? Why are you crying?” Stacie asks in a panic and Aubrey just frowns, not looking into eyes she knows would show so much worry. 

She hadn’t realised she’d been crying; can’t remember the last time she had allowed herself to.

“My dad…” She trails off, her breath hitching, because she knows that’s what had started this all off, even though Stacie had cemented it.

Stacie’s eyes widen as she thinks the worst. She knows Aubrey’s dad is in the Army, knows he regularly gets deployed overseas; it’s not the safest job and Stacie understands the dangers more than most would think. She can remember having to bury her brother when she was seventeen, he’d barely been deployed for a year before she lost him.

“Is he okay?” She asks, tentatively, knowing that a fallout would be imminent if her own reaction when she found out was anything to go by. 

Aubrey’s brows furrowed in confusion but she still didn’t meet Stacie’s eyes. It takes a moment for Stacie’s reaction to click in her head and her heart softens ever so slightly in sympathy. She understands where her girlfriend’s train of thought went and she feels a pang of guilt for making her mind go there.

She knows this is the moment this has all been leading up to. All the pain she’s tried not to feel over the last few months, the feeling of abandonment she’s tried to ignore, all the times she doubted Stacie’s feelings for her, everything Stacie has been incognisant to; they were all leading up to this moment and Aubrey’s not sure if she’ll be able to not break herself open in the process.

“No, he’s okay, he…” She trails off and finally chances a glance at Stacie, notices that the brunette is looking at her with pure worry and care, and can feel Stacie’s thumb caressing her cheek in the most tender way.

She’s not irritated by the touch, nor is she gruntled by it; but it’s not comforting her like it should, like it used to. 

She can’t bear to look at Stacie any more and pointedly looks away, removing herself from her girlfriend’s reach. She sits up from her seat, downing the rest of her wine on her way, and places the empty glass in the sink. She moves to clear the bottles as well, but a warm hand on her wrist pauses her movements.

“What’s wrong, Bree?” Stacie says in that worried tone of voice she uses every time Aubrey gets like this. When she becomes unresponsive and tries to avoid the problem. Aubrey just continues her task and puts the wine bottles into the recycling. She moves around the kitchen and heads straight for the small collection of spirits she has and pours herself two fingers of whiskey and downs them in one. She can feel the slight burn in the back of her throat and it brings her an odd sense of comfort.

“Aubrey, what’s wrong?” Stacie says with more urgency but doesn’t make a move to approach her girlfriend. She’s never seen the blonde this way in the time that they’ve known each other and it’s scaring her a little to see Aubrey behave like this; like she’s not herself.

“I can’t do this anymore, Stacie.” Aubrey whispers out, her voice scratchy. She figures getting straight to the point would hurt less, but the tightening in her chest would say otherwise.

Stacie feels all the air leave her lungs, her knees buckling, because she can’t have heard what she thinks she has. There is no way Aubrey said that, she must be imagining things.

“What?” Stacie managed to breathe out, her lungs barely able to gather the air to force the words out.

At the sound of incredulity in Stacie’s voice, Aubrey finally turns around to face her girlfriend. She leans back against the counter, grabbing it for some stability and her knuckles turn white from how hard she’s gripping it. She can see the fear in Stacie’s eyes, they’re wide and uncertain and she has one hand on the counter as if it’s the only thing keeping her up.

“Do you know what today is?” Aubrey asks, she doesn’t mean for it to come out as pointedly as it does, but her heart is breaking in her chest and Aubrey can’t find it in herself to hold back anymore. She watches as Stacie’s eyebrows furrow, watches as the brunette looks towards the small calendar they have on the fridge.

“It’s April tenth…” Stacie trails off in confusion and Aubrey watches as the wheels of recognition begin to turn in her girlfriend’s head. She sees the exact moment it clicks from the day to the blonde’s outfit, and Aubrey didn’t know Stacie’s eyes could go any wider. Her mouth drops open and she makes a move to rus over but Aubrey holds up a hand.

“Aubrey, baby, I’m so sorry, I-”

“Don’t.” Aubrey cuts her off and Stacie’s jaw clamps shut. There is no way to explain the look Aubrey is sending her right now, but Stacie would pay anything in the world to never see it again.

“I don’t want to hear it.” Aubrey takes a moment and Stacie notices just how  _ tired  _ she looks. She looks worn down and so unlike herself and Stacie has no idea how she missed it, she’s been so busy.

_ Oh _ .

As the penny drops Stacie takes a step back, knowing she’s fucked up, wishing she’d done better, had made more time, she wishes Aubrey had  _ said something sooner. _

“I don’t think I can do this anymore, Stacie.” Aubrey starts and the brunette can already feel the tears welling in her eyes, knowing exactly where this is going to go. 

“I’m tired of being forgotten, of being an afterthought. I’m tired of being the one making the effort to talk, to see each other. I understand you’re busy and we both have lives and responsibilities outside of each other. I understand I’m also at fault for not saying anything sooner, but…” Aubrey pauses to bite her lip, trying as hard as she can to stop the overwhelming amount of tears that want to let themselves fall, ultimately failing as she struggles to catch her breath and covers her eyes.

Stacie can only stand there and watch as Aubrey falls apart in front of her, knowing she’s at fault, that she’d broken her down to this point. Each sob from the blonde chips away at her heart and Stacie knows she won’t have anything left by the time this is through.

“God, Stacie, I’m so tired.” She sobs, trying to take deep breaths to calm herself enough so she can get through this. “I’m tired of being someone’s second choice, again.” She whispers and Stacie shows she’s referring to her dad; the pain of being compared to him causing Stacie’s own dam of tears to break. “I’m tired of being with someone who never says they love me, and I don’t even know why they don’t…” 

She pauses. 

“We’re done... Either love me or don’t, but you can’t have both.” Aubrey’s voice is barely audible as she lets out the words that cause Stacie’s entire world to crumble. 

Stacie lets a sob slip out, not knowing what to say in response. She doesn’t think there’s anything she could say, or do, right now to make things better. She doesn’t even know if she deserves for things to get better.

She can’t meet Aubrey’s eyes, not even as the blonde passes by her to get her purse off the counter, before gathering the rest of her things and leaving the apartment.

Stacie flinches as the door slams shut.

“I love you.” She whispers into the now empty apartment.

*

Chloe was awoken in the middle of the night by a loud banging on her door. She gets up from bed and makes her way toward her door. Assuming it’s one of the other girls, Chloe doesn’t hesitate before she cracks her door open, nearly tearing it off its hinges when she sees Aubrey curled up in a ball against the wall opposite her door. Her blonde hair is matted to her forehead and she is dripping water everywhere; her shoes are in her hand and there’s a small rip at the bottom of her dress. The sight makes Chloe's stomach drop and she feels her eyes well with tears at the state her best friend seems to be in; she was empathetic to a fault sometimes, especially when it came to Aubrey.

Slowly, she bends down and rests a hand on Aubrey's shoulder, who jumps at the contact and whips her head to stare at the offending hand, swaying slightly at having moved so fast. Aubrey struggles to look up and Chloe is barely able to fully take in Aubrey's tear stained cheeks and red eyes before she’s reaching forward to pull her best friend into a hug. 

Aubrey’s breath hitches and Chloe knows that she’s about to break down. She has no idea what's going on or what led Aubrey to come to her in this state, or where Stacie is, but she will get to the bottom of it.

“Here, Bree.” Chloe offers her hand to help the blonde up, who sways as she leans heavily on the wall in her attempt to get to her feet. Chloe wraps an arm around Aubrey’s waist, pondering her sobriety when she gets a strong whiff of Whiskey that answers her question before she can ask it.

Aubrey slurs out a ‘thank you’ as Chloe is made to take most of her weight, practically carrying her into her apartment. She sets her down on her couch and rushes to grab a towel from her linen closet, quickly wrapping it around the shivering blonde.

“We broke up.” Aubrey says abruptly and Chloe gives herself whiplash with how fast her head turned to look at her friend, thinking she had misheard. However, the tears quickly welling in her eyes and the trembling of Aubrey’s lip make it clear she had not.

Chloe reacts instantly, pulling her best friend into the tightest hug she can muster without crushing her. She doesn't know what on Earth could have broken those two apart, they were legitimate couple goals in Chloe’s eyes. She could wonder all night about what had happened, but that could wait, however, as now her main priority was to comfort the sobbing girl in her arms.

Chloe sits there in silence, knowing placations don’t work when Aubrey is in such a state; her ears virtually shut off and she’s completely oblivious to the outside world. Aubrey would be living inside her head for the rest of the evening to process the events that led to her being this way, and probably beating herself up and taking all of the blame. Which she could be, Chloe has no idea, but Chloe also knows Aubrey could be completely innocent and would find a way to make it completely her fault, anyway. 

They stay there all through the night and most of the next day. Aubrey asks if she can stay for a day around lunch time; Chloe agrees. Aubrey cries for most of the day; Chloe cries with her. She hasn’t seen Aubrey this torn up about anything since the phone call she received from her father the morning after the mishap at the ICCA Finals their Junior year.

When they head back to Aubrey’s apartment a few days later, Stacie is nowhere to be seen but all of her things are gone. There are no clothes in her dresser or the part of Aubrey’s wardrobe she had claimed since moving in, none of her knick knacks littered about, it was like she had never existed. Aubrey lets herself fall apart one last time in Chloe’s arms before she pulls herself together.

This was not the way Posens conducted themselves.

Aubrey doesn’t cry after that.

*

Stacie doesn’t leave her bed in the Bellas house for an entire week before she hears whispers outside her door. She knows the rest of the girls know what happened; had seen her enter the house with the things she had packed from Aubrey’s. She knows they were giving her space and had decided that a week was enough time.

She could distinctly make out the voice of Beca, as expected, but she’s surprised to hear Chloe’s voice as well, having assumed the red-head would want nothing to do with her after the way she’d treated her best friend.

“Stacie?” She hears Chloe call through the door, knocking gently as if her voice wasn’t loud enough to carry through. Which was ridiculous because that one time Chloe went into the basement, her scream could be heard from Beca and Amy’s room in the attic.

Stacie decides to not answer, instead she rolls over in bed to face her wall and pulls a pillow over her head, hoping they’d take the hint and just leave. Though she should know better than to think they’d leave her alone when she hears the door open and hears the flick of the lightswitch. 

She feels a dip at the end of her bed and feels a hand being placed on her calf, she assumes it’s Chloe as neither of the other two are good at comfort. She doesn’t move, doesn’t give any indication that she’s acknowledged their presence. She just wants them to leave, but that’s obviously too much of an ask.

“You don’t have to tell me anything,” she hears Chloe start, “but I just want you to know that I don’t hate you and that I’ll be here for whatever you need, okay?” She finishes by giving Stacie’s calf a gentle squeeze and the weight at the end of the bed is gone.

Stacie forces her eyes shut, the kindness from Chloe causing tears to well in her eyes because she feels like she doesn’t deserve the other woman’s kindness. But that’s just the type of person Chloe is.

When Stacie feels like the tears have abated for the time being, she takes the pillow off her face and sees Beca spinning around in her desk chair. They sit in silence, Beca continuing to spin, before the other brunette asks the obvious.

“Are you going to tell me what happened?” There’s no judgement in Beca’s voice, her eyes showing only sympathy and genuine care.

“I took her for granted.” Stacie lets out and feels tears threatening again but she bites them down. Beca merely raises an eyebrow, waiting for Stacie to elaborate.

“I never told her I loved her.” Ss what is whispered into the room, because that’s all Stacie feels she can voice, too ashamed of everything else that went wrong to even mention them. Beca looks at her, perplexed.

“But you do love her, right? Like, that’s obvious just from looking at you two.” Beca’s confusion is palpable and Stacie knows she’s going to have to explain; knows it’ll be good to at least have one person who understands.

“I can’t say it.”

“Why?” Beca questions as she rolls the chair closer to Stacie’s bed, her voice is unusually soft and Stacie doesn’t know what to do except just to rip off the bandaid.

“The last person I told it to was- was Mikey.”

“Your brother?” Beca questions softly, already understanding the bigger picture of what Stacie was telling her. Stacie nods as she begins to cry and Beca moves from her chair to the bed, and puts an arm around her friend, letting her cry into ehr shoulder.

“I’ve always been afraid that the next person I said it to would leave the same way he did.” Stacie cries. “I know it won’t happen but every time I tried my words would just get stuck and I’d get so  _ scared.” _

Beca lets Stacie cry herself to sleep on her shoulder and stays with her for the rest of the night.

After that night Stacie begins to leave her room more, settling back into her normal routine, until eventually she feels well enough to rejoin Bellas rehearsals. Chloe had given her the biggest hug when she’d come back and let Stacie choose the songs for that day’s jam session. 

Stacie thinks it was to distract her from the fact that Aubrey’s usual seat in the bleachers was empty.

She tries to ignore the fact that the seat doesn’t get filled again for the rest of the semester.

*

Aubrey sat in her apartment as alone as she had been for the past two months. Alfie and Kiwi had stopped coming around as often and the blonde could tell it was because they missed Stacie.

_ She _ missed Stacie.

Upon reflection, Aubrey realises she may have acted hastily in breaking up with Stacie the way she did, but she doesn’t necessarily regret her actions. She was just so upset, and insecure, and  _ tired.  _ She’d held too many expectations of herself, of Stacie, of their relationship, instead of just letting them make their mistakes, work on them, and move on.

Aubrey had been running through that evening every day since it happened, fixating on it and wishing that day could have been different. Maybe she should have had that conversation with Stacie earlier, maybe she should have made a bigger deal about her birthday, maybe she shouldn’t have assumed like she’d done with that anniversary dinner.

Too many maybes that will never be answered.

She’s had many,  _ many,  _ talks with Chloe about that evening. Letting her walls down around Chloe had been difficult at first, but the redhead just had a way with people that made you want to open up to her without feeling weird about it. She’d listen and offer comfort where needed, but she also wouldn’t sugar coat anything and would call out any bullshit she heard.

The most recent talk with Chloe had Aubrey accepting the fact that her feelings were valid and her reaction, while drastic, was understandable. It had also made Aubrey realise she hadn’t quite moved on, mainly because she didn’t actually  _ want  _ to. 

She wanted Stacie, for better or worse. 

From what Chloe was reluctant to share, it appeared Stacie hadn’t moved on, either, and was possibly faring worse than Aubrey could have imagined. She tries not to feel guilty, succeeding for the most part. But the part of her that is still in love with Stacie feels remorse over causing the other woman so much pain; even though she hadn’t been the first to inflict it.

She doesn’t think the torch she’s carrying for Stacie will ever dim, and the more she thinks about it, the more she realises she doesn’t want it to.

*

Stacie was sitting in the back corner of the old diner,  _ their _ corner, nursing a too full plate of fries and a Caramel Popcorn milkshake that had too many popcorn pieces left on the top. She’d been coming to the diner every Friday for a month, it taking nearly a full month since the break up for her to muster up the courage. She wasn’t sure why she continued to come, maybe as a form of punishment. She ordered what she usually would, and tonight Angela had placed  _ that  _ flavour milkshake in front of her and Stacie didn’t have the heart to tell the owner that she doesn't think she can stomach it.

Sighing, she picks at her fries, not feeling particularly hungry, but knowing she needs to eat something, lest she get a swat over the head from Angela, and Chloe, come to think of it.

The redhead had been a big help to Stacie over the past two months, providing comfort and encouraging words when needed. She’d let Stacie take a bigger role in the Bellas by helping out with choreography - _ ”only one boob grab per song, Stacie, I mean it!” _

Stacie had been grateful for the distraction and had been spending more time with Beca, watching the other brunette mix songs together and learning a few tricks herself.

But when she was alone in her room with no more distractions, Stacie would let herself cry over the situation, and would write down her frustrations. She’s constantly thinking of a way to make it up to Aubrey and somehow get her back, or of a way to move on.

The latter was impossible.

Chloe, while she would never disclose anything she and Aubrey had talked about, had given Stacie the impression that there was still hope and to not give up on the blonde just yet. Not that Stacie was really considering it.

Too lost in thought, Stacie doesn’t hear the jingle of the bell above the diner’s entrance, doesn’t notice a head of blonde hair make its way toward the counter, doesn’t hear the joyous gasp escape Angela’s lips as she pulls the new customer into a quick hug before ushering her in Stacie’s direction. Stacie doesn’t notice anything until someone is sitting right across from her, stealing a piece of popcorn from the top of her milkshake.

“Hey.” Aubrey says with a soft smile. Stacie barely manages to stutter out a response, too caught up in the fact that Aubrey is  _ here  _ and doesn’t look like she wants to throw the beverage between them in her face.

They sit in silence for a moment, until Angela comes over with Aubrey’s usual coffee.

“It’s good to see you, Aubrey, Stacie’s been awful miserable without you here.” Stacie’s eyes widen at the remark and Aubrey’s smile tightens.

“Thank you, Angela.” Aubrey says as the owner leaves them to it. The blonde reaches for the creamer and puts it into her coffee, all the while Stacie stares at her with the same wide eyed expression. The silence between them lingers for a moment longer and Stacie cannot handle it anymore.

“Aubrey, I’m so sorry, I never meant to hurt you, I let myself get too wrapped up in everything, and…” She trails off as Aubrey reaches over and places a soft hand on her own. Stacie stares down at the hand like it’s burned her, but God, does she love the burn it gives her. “... and I did the first thing I promised I’d never do.” She finishes and Aubrey just looks at her with such compassion that Stacie doesn’t feel like she deserves.

“I know you never meant to hurt me, Stacie. That night… I let my insecurities get the best of me and I acted, well not heinously, but I definitely jumped so many guns, and I wanted to apologise.” Aubrey finishes and Stacie looks on in confusion.

“Why are  _ you  _ apologising?” the blonde sighs before answering.

“For not communicating my feelings, for holding you onto a higher pedestal, for comparing you to my father…” She trails off, looking down as she adds on the last point. 

“I get scared, being so open and vulnerable with people. It took Chloe nearly a year to crack me open, so to speak. Then you come along and I find myself wanting to give all of myself over to you and… and sometimes it felt as if you weren’t willing to do the same. So, I’m not asking for any more apologies, I’ve already forgiven you, okay? I just want an explanation. Please.” It was as close to begging as Aubrey was willing to get, but she needed to know if there was a reason as to why she was so unloveable to people; if it was something she could fix.

Stacie sat in stunned silence, not knowing what she’d done to be forgiven, but knowing she was not going to waste this opportunity Aubrey was giving her. Aubrey deserved honesty and so Stacie would give it to her.

“The last person I said I loved ended up dying not long after.” Stacie begins, diving straight in, sighing in relief when Aubrey reaches over to hold her hands in her own. “I have this irrational fear that the next person I say those words to will meet the same fate and no matter how much I try I can never get the words out. It’s like my vocal chords just shut down and… and I do feel those things for you, Aubrey, I do.” She implores, staring directly into the misty green eyes she loves so much.

Aubrey nods and then does something unexpected; she leans over the table and presses her lips firmly to Stacie’s for a brief moment, before pulling away and reaches up with her hands to wipe away the tears that had fallen down the brunette’s cheeks.

“I’m so sorry that happened to you.” She whispers out, tucking a strand of hair behind Stacie’s hair. They stare intently at each other before Aubrey leans back in her chair, breaking their contact.

“What do we do now, Bree?” Stacie asks, her voice uncertain. Aubrey takes out a deep breath and looks around the diner as if gathering her thoughts.

“We started out as strangers, why don’t we start as strangers again?” Aubrey proposes and Stacie can’t help the grin that overtakes her features.

“I like the sound of that.”

*

It’s a month later and Stacie is sat across from Aubrey in their corner of the diner. There’s a half empty plate of fries in front of them and Aubrey’s on her second coffee. The lights are faded to a soft pink for the night and Aubrey practically glows under the neon lights.

Aubrey’s eyes are alight with mischief as she leans across to take a sip of Stacie’s milkshake. She’d opted for a new flavour to represent this new era and Angela had come out with a Lemon Meringue concoction that had even won over Aubrey’s taste buds. Stacie just grins as she uses Aubrey’s proximity to swipe a dollop of whipped cream across her cheek. 

Aubrey lets out a scandalised gasp that quickly dissolves into pure laughter, and it’s in that moment Stacie thinks, for the umpteenth time, that she’s in love with Aubrey Posen. It doesn’t come as a shock, nor does it scare her anymore.

She watches Aubrey adoringly for a moment longer, her mouth opening as if she’s actually ready to say those words, and she pauses as Aubrey looks up and catches her gaze, her head tilting in slight curiosity, green eyes twinkling. 

It’s all too reminiscent of that first moment Stacie felt it, but this time it doesn't overwhelm her. Stacie takes a breath, and in that moment she knows she’s finally brave enough to say it; knows that while they may have all the time in the world for Stacie to finally say those three all important words, she’d rather spend that time telling Aubrey she loves her.

So she does.

“I love you.” 

_ fin. _


End file.
